City of Austin cancels April Fool's Day

Austin no longer pities the fool

In an unexpected announcement, the City of Austin said it will no longer recognize April Fool's Day as an official city holiday and urges all residents to refrain from celebrating the occasion, mocking the city, or visiting comedy clubs that have a history of exposing the ignorance of local leadership.

Former Austin Mayor Steve Adler, in one of his final directives before leaving office in December, created the Federation for Austin's Reputation and Trustworthiness in order to study and empirically measure how seriously people are taking radical new changes in local policy.

Here are some last-minute resources for 'choosy voters'

According to early voting and polling data, Texas Republican voters are keeping true to their reputation as good closers. 

By week 2 of early voting it seemed there were enough swing voters and Republicans still waiting in the wings to radically affect any outcome. An analysis in The Federalist today indicates that Republicans are narrowly outperforming Democrats in the Lone Star State, with Democratic turnout having actually dropped by around a point-and-a-half.

Shelter-in-place ... unless you're one of these hundreds of exceptions

UPDATE: Gov. Abbott's orders now supercede the city's.

Travis County issued a "Stay at Home, Safe at Work" order -- read, a shelter-in-place ordinance that requires residents to stay indoors and limit gatherings to prevent the spread of coronavirus/COVID-19.

Like any law, there are exceptions. And when we looked at the ordinance itself it was eye-opening just how many "essential activities" and "critical infrastructure" goods services made the cut.

See below for Travis County's list of exceptions, some of which appear in multiple categories (so forgive the many repetitions). For any attorneys reading this, no, this does not count as legal counsel, and if you want to make absolutely certain your activity is covered see the ordinance itself.

If you're in Williamson County click here, which is quite similar in scope. For some commentary on why these ordinances are similar read here.

Austin Women's Answer To Mass Violence Prevention: Go Shooting (and get good at it!)

Grassroots gun rights activists and Moms Demand Action agreed on a couple of things during a Texas Senate committee meeting on mass violence Wednesday.

It is not masks or violent video games that are to blame for the uptick in mass killings.

Moms Demand Action, of course, puts the onus on the proliferation of firearms.

Republican women who live in and around the Texas Capitol, however, had a solution of their own:
Go shooting. And get good at it.

2019 Democratic Debates Bingo card to relieve pain for political addicts

Let's face it: the "clown car" is crowded and two nights of debates can be a grueling experience for political observers of a conservative persuasion to suffer through. The buzz words will be flying as each candidate attempts to stand out from the field of would-be Trump-challengers with what little time is allotted to each candidate on the debates, to be held Wednesday, June 26, and Thursday, June 27.

Spare the Mylanta: the Tracker has the cure for the pain our fellow political junkies will be feeling. Below is a bingo card you can play with your friends while you watch.

Simply print off a copy (or save it to your smartphone) ... and try to enjoy!

How to stop Beto from texting you

Funny, but this may not help stop the texts!

If you received an unsolicited text from Congressman Robert Francis "Beto" O'Rourke, it's not too late to take action to stop future political texts (from any candidate) from constantly buzzing your phone.

Here are seven helpful tips for those annoyed by campaign calls and texts to consider: 

1. If you receive an unwelcome political call, kindly say "No, thank you, I appreciate your time, and please remove me from your list," then hang up. Chances are this is a volunteer calling and they won't push very hard. And if they're paid employees, they're likely temporary workers who aren't earning much for their time. If you respond angrily then you run the risk of being listed as against -- information which can be shared and even sold to other campaigns and companies which collect data. 

2. If you receive an unwelcome text from a campaign, do not reply! The campaigns already have records of who voted (via voter rolls from the primaries) but what they're hoping to do is identify new and "likely" voters from any number of data sources. If you respond, for or against the cause or candidate, you're now on a list. Campaigns realize that a growing number of cell phone users prefer text messaging over voice calls -- particularly younger voters -- and they are building texting databases. 

3. If you receive an unwelcome email, immediately look for the "Unsubscribe" link -- usually at the bottom of the message. They or their email blasting service are required by law in most cases to remove your email address. And be sure to keep your personal email off of social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) and websites (do a web search for your own name and contact info and see what pops up). Consider setting up a special email account to check at your own convenience for sign ups, political news, and other updates so it doesn't disrupt your business or day-to-day living.

4. Jealously guard your cell phone number! Check to see that your phone number is not listed on social media. If signing in at a political event, rally, or convention leave it blank or use an office or a landline number that can easily roll to voicemail. This applies to voter registration cards as they fall under open records laws and can easily be obtained by campaigns. Candidates, PACs, and parties will often share your info with one another, and once they have your contact information then it tends to spread. 

5. Sign up on the Do Not Call registry. Even though campaigns and political parties have more legal leeway on this, you can keep private companies which gather personal data from reaching you. 

6. Beware of "push polls." It's fine to participate in polls conducted by recognized polling companies, but if it comes in a generic format asking for your stance on various issues it's best to just hang up. There's a strong chance that a generic poll is designed to either identify your number as a likely voter or to "push" a candidate or campaign. 

7. Consider using a call screening method to stop unwanted calls. You can sign up for NoMoRobo.com to stop calls on VOIP lines or TrueCaller.com to screen calls to cellular or landline phones. Google Voice can serve as your own personal receptionist!  You may also sign up for caller ID services and anonymous call rejection with your phone provider, if available, often at a small additional fee.

Do you have a strategy of your own to share? Leave it in the comments below!

The late-comers guide to the 2018 GOP Primary

Hey, wait a minute: the last two weeks were called early voting for a reason. Day-of primary voting is technically on-time. Who are you calling "late?"

We hear you. But in the last Republican Primary 137 more voters cast their ballots early than on primary election day (17,584 early compared to 17,447 on March 10, 2014).

So while half of you reading this have likely already made your decision, there's the other half still waiting. We have you covered.

We urge you to check out the Travis County Republican Party's helpful page on the primary. On it you'll find information on the candidates, links to sample ballots, voters guides, and so much more. www.TravisGOP.com/candidates

Happy Texas Independence Day, Austin style

Today is Texas Independence Day. And what better place to celebrate than right here in the Capital of Texas?

No, you're still unlikely to get today off from work. Your school-aged kids are probably going to be celebrating Dr. Seuss' birthday. And you're predictably going to get blank stares from the Californians who keep moving here to escape their former state's crumbling economy.

But there are some incredible events worthy of a true Texan's time today and this weekend -- including a parade, historic re-enactors, a pop-up boot store, a fun run, and even Texas-shaped waffles on Sixth Street. What's not to love about all that?

• Driskill Hotel/Sun Radio Texas Independence Day Festival on Sixth Street: https://www.facebook.com/events/191095608147334
• Celebrate Texas events (parade, 5K run, memorials, etc.): http://CelebrateTexas.org/events
• Below is a reprint of our 2017 article on 5 Unique Ways YOU Can Celebrate Texas Independence Day. 
• We're sure our Texian founding fathers would want you to vote to continue the spirit of independence well into the 21st Century. Learn more about the Travis GOP Primary.

5 unique ways to celebrate Texas Independence Day

You could go skiing in Texas
with our original panhandle

Texas Independence Day is a holiday that is growing in popularity. It's formally the celebration of the adoption of the Texas Declaration of Independence on March 2, 1836 -- the day 59 settlers in Mexican Texas officially declared independence from the Empire of Mexico and created the Republic of Texas.

Alas, it's still a day that gets lost in the shuffle of springtime activities, much like its older, more official sister San Jacinto Day. If you have children in a Texas public elementary school, they're more likely to be eating green ham and wearing footie pajamas and striped hats today. If you shout "Happy Texas Independence Day" to a neighbor, you might be told that "it's as hot as the Fourth of July, alright." Still others might laugh in support of your good cheer, thinking you're referring to a clever beer advertising campaign. It's enough to make ya wanna spit in the creek, I tell you what.

That's why it is critically important for us to do something to mark the occasion -- to tell the world that we Texans are daringly different, and ain't afraid to celebrate it.

But what to do? Yes, you can do the kinds of things that Texans do every weekend -- barbecue, eat Mexican food, go out two-stepping, shoot guns, etc. But we thought we would provide five unique ways you can help celebrate Texas freedom. If you have a tradition or event of your own, please feel to share it in the comments below.

'Cedar Fever' survival guide: the next best thing to eradication

One possible solution.

Mold allergies have been bad enough to us during this unusual El Niño year.

But Cedar gets the prize for 2016. Cedar pollen (actually, and to be fair to true Cedar trees, Ashe Juniper pollen -- that's Juniperus ashei) hit the second-highest level on record today -- 21,952 grains per cubic meter.

Because Austin exists in a geographic "bowl," the pollen tends to linger around longer than it does elsewhere. And the humidity makes it stick. That bestows upon us a badge of honor as one of the Allergy Capitals of the United States.

The cedar pollen intensity this time of year affects even those who normally do not suffer from allergies. Workplaces report higher numbers of call-outs for cold-like symptoms.

False alarms are raised when "smoke" is seen coming from areas dense with cedar trees -- only for the firefighters to discover it's only the brownish dust from pollen entering the air on a dry, windy day otherwise prone to brush fires.

The trees, as beautiful and beloved as they are around Christmastime, are more than just a health hazard according to some. Even Rep. Paul Workman (R-Austin) authored a bill to loosen tree ordinances on certain species that present themselves as fire hazards, such as the Ashe Juniper. Here's how to get rid of them yourself if you're so inclined.

To fight our annual bout of "Cedar Fever" this writer would like to offer his advice as a lifelong allergy sufferer. See if you benefit from these tips, and if you have your own remedies please feel free to add them to the comments below.

Hey, Kaepernick: KISS this!

We've known KISS front man Gene Simmons to be quite conservative for many years, despite the band's former reputation as being anything but favorable toward God, country, apple pie, and all that. But that we've lived long enough now to witness the above spectacle of KISS with uniformed veterans auxiliary members is worthy of a post, even on a local political blog. Take a watch -- even if you're not much of a rocker.

This display of high-voltage patriotism on Sept. 9 in Richmond, Virginia, follows public outcries after National Football League player Colin Kaepernick refused to stand for the National Anthem at a pre-season San Francisco 49ers game against the Green Bay Packers.

A microcosm of Austin Weird: Behind the scenes of 'The Trailer Park Show'

"The Trailer Park Show" gang for the Christmas 2015 episode. Pictured (left to right) are James "Slow Pokey" Ritter, Legislative Director for Rep. Gilbert Pena Mikael Garcia, Travis GOP Outreach Director Michael Lee, and Austin LULAC leader Gavino Fernandez.

Is it a political round table for conservative issues? A public television free-for-all? Maybe a showcase for locals to maunder about the day's news?

"It's all those things and more," according to the host of a longtime fixture of Austin cable access.

Not unlike many shows on a public access TV channel, "The Trailer Park Show" is an unusual spectacle. During the recording of the show's annual Christmas Episode, a taping room at the Channel Austin studios on Northwestern Avenue featured a dose of the usual political commentary panel and Texas House Legislative Director Mikael Garcia and Travis GOP Outreach Director Michael Lee, as well as some special guests: the Black and Tan Comedy Tour doing an impressive improv routine, an abbreviated set (thanks to a blown amplified fuse) from a band featuring local guitarist Fritz Funderburgh kicking out some Blues-Rock tunes to rival any show in town that evening in the Live Music Capital, and anyone from the audience the host could rope in at the last minute.

And all done live. In other words, a microcosm of what keeps Austin Weird, as well as a picture of the by-the-bootstraps activism that marks the Austin conservative movement.

Go home, Texas Music: you're drunk

Today's mainstream Country music is far from Johnny Cash. It's not even Johnny Paycheck.

Asian market 'Star Wars' trailer features gobs of new footage

Look what we ran across after searching for that "mule" video!  Lots of new scenes we haven't seen in the U.S. versions, and maybe even a functional use of that dreaded lightsaber crossbar.

Enjoy your weekend, and keep the Internet free.

TxTag offers motorists breakfast tacos

CEDAR PARK -- Last legislative session it was revealed that 30,000 TxTag users were not billed correctly and as many as 3.5 million motorists were not billed on time. Oops.

Perhaps that's a reason why the Central Texas Mobility Authority hosted a Customer Appreciation Day at the now-unused 183-A checkpoint gantry toll plaza just north of the Travis County line in Cedar Park. We just had to investigate.

Dawkins calls GOP Presidential candidates 'disgraceful' for believing in a Creator (it was actually aliens!)

For some reason, the theological beliefs of our presidential hopefuls are on trial ... yet again.

The Blaze picked up on two situations involving this reverse-crusade against the pious: One where Bill O'Reilly grills Ben Carson on his belief in the age of the earth (he's a surgeon, not a geophysicist!); and another with the headline:

Atheist Richard Dawkins Calls It ‘Disgraceful’ That Presidential Hopefuls Are Creationists ...

What's even more "disgraceful" is that the pop-Atheism icon Dawkins himself finds it an "intriguing possibility" that god-like aliens placed life on earth -- but that the alien "seed race" must have themselves evolved from lower life-forms billions of years prior.

We only wish we were kidding. See video from the pro-Intelligent Design in schools documentary "Expelled" below.

(By the way, Ben Carson will be at the Costco on Research Boulevard/US 183 in Northwest Austin on Monday, Oct. 19, from noon to around 2 p.m. for a book-signing if you feel like offering him your moral support.)

How to smoke a true Central Texas style brisket

Who needs sauce, really?

Though Austin is home to a large number of vegans, vegetarians, semi-vegetarians, and would-be meat eaters operating under a sadly mistaken assumption that cattle production pokes holes in the ozone layer, that doesn't stop us from being one of the barbecue hot-spots of the world.

That hasn't stopped the Austin City Council from (perhaps inadvertently) stomping out our blazing market for smoked meats. While we don't predict such proposed ordinances will ever go far (Austin is home to the world's only known barbecue editor, after all), a shortage of barbecue would be one of the worst scenarios imaginable to a Texan. And that would be a loss to the entire world, as Central Texas is home to its own unique style of 'cue, up there with Kansas City style, Carolina, Memphis, etc.

That's why we would like to arm you with the skills necessary to become a barbecue ninja! Follow these instructions and you'll master the art of smoking a true Texas Hill Country style brisket that will wow your neighbors and convert vegetarians.