Travis Republicans create blue ribbon task force to avenge Brad's Wife

Location of Sunday's meeting

It's the shock-scandal that's sweeping the Internet. And Travis County Republicans are more determined than their Democrat opponents to get to the bottom of mystery that's tougher to crack than those triangular table-top peg puzzles no one seems to be able to actually solve.

The Travis County Board of Executive Steering Republican Chairmen voted unanimously this morning to create the #JusticeforBradsWife Committee.

For those not familiar, here's the backstory and why conservatives ought to be very concerned:

Bradley Reid Byrd's wife, Nanette, was unexpectedly fired from Cracker Barrel after 11 years of faithfully selling grits and hashbrown casserole to hungry motorists (that's all we know about her). Her husband took to the company's Facebook profile to demand answers, but so far has received none. This resulted in a backlash of Internet support like no other (well, except for that time the Internet banished rapper Pitbull to Kodiak Island, Alaska. That was pretty hilarious, too.).

"Are we next? In an economy besieged by 8 years of Barack Obama's economic policies, this kind of un-American activity should not be!" said committee chairperson Eleanor Grey-Oliphant. "Cracker Barrel needs to be in the business of creating jobs not eliminating them -- especially for Brad's Wife who we all agree deserves justice."

Republicans are in a race to beat Travis County Democrats, whose overlords just forwarded a Change.org petition to the White House to demand an immediate halt to all firings until the United Nations can send peacekeepers to observe major roadside restaurants. No word yet from Travis County Libertarian Central Authority (it is awfully early) who are rumored to soon begin going door-to-door collecting Bitcoin to help pay for Brad's Wife's expected legal fees.

The newly formed Republican #JusticeForBradsWife committee will gather Sunday morning at an empty Chick-fil-A off MoPac to begin its full investigation of the strange circumstances behind Brad's Wife's dismissal. Questions to be explored at this mandatory meeting include:

• Why was there a George Soros donation to Cracker Barrel's scholarship fund just prior to the firing (we understand Brad was a Trump supporter)?
  
• Is there any truth to accusations that Russian hackers tampered with Cracker Barrel's HR computer network, attempting to undermine the American entry-level job market one restaurant employee at a time?
  
• Was this firing perhaps an "inside job" designed to distract us from a massive Cracker Barrel menu change?
  
• How do we motivate Millennials to engage Generation-Z future voters who aren't even old enough to remember 11 years ago? They are the future of our party.
  
• April Fool's!