Serve your favorite grinch with a cease and desist letter this 'holiday'

Certain liberals, when asked, will tell you that there's no "war on Christmas." These same politically correct
provocateurs may also tell you that you are improperly upset over the theft of our traditions and artistry used in their watered-down versions of the Christmas holiday.

They're probably right. This season is not about being outraged, but showing love, joy, and peace in observing the birth of Jesus. Far be it from us to get bent out of shape over PC thuggery when we're supposed to be focused on our family and friends. Right?

But that doesn't mean we can't have some fun!  The next time you're tepidly wished a "happy holiday" or "season's greetings" in public -- and they refuse to acknowledge Christmas -- tell them they're guilty of intellectual property theft and then slap them with this hilarious cease and desist letter!

Feel free to copy and paste the below text into your own stationery, and sign your name as one of Santa's copyright attorneys. (If anyone asks, we'll vouch for your Arctic Bar certification.)

NORTH POLE LEGAL AFFAIRS DIVISION

 Dec. 23, 2015  

Dear______________,  

We understand that you recently wished our client "happy holidays,"' "season's greetings," or similar winter-time greeting. While our client respects your gesture of wintertime good will, it also has come to our attention that while you issued the aforementioned generic holiday greeting, you engaged in unauthorized use of Christmas symbols, other sayings, color schemes, fictional characters, musical compositions, et al. ("traditions") which legally belong to the Christian faith and the post-Victorian institution of the Christmas holiday.  

Therefore, your holiday wish ("greeting") is identical/substantially similar to our tradition. Examples of said unauthorized generic holiday greetings in the context of Christmas includes, but is not limited to: "have a joyous winter holiday," "merry Chrismukkah," and also "kwazy Kwanzaa!" Please be advised that continued use of our clients' traditions to promote your own non-specific tradition will result in legal action in an Arctic Circle jurisdiction court of law of our choosing.  

Permission was neither asked nor granted to reproduce our tradition through your greeting and, therefore, constitutes infringement of our rights. In terms of various copyright statutes, we are entitled to an injunction against your continued infringement, as well as to recover damages from you for the loss we have suffered as a result of your infringing conduct. In light of these circumstances, we demand that you immediately:     

   1. Remove all infringing content and notify us in writing that you have done so;     

   2. Credit all infringing content to ourselves by using the following disclaimer after each generic holiday greeting: "We acknowledge that Christmas is the source of our holiday tradition";     

   3. Pay a licensing fee of $10.00 (U.S.), which will be given as a donation to the 501(c)3 charity Operation Christmas Child;     

   4. Immediately cease the use and distribution of material which contains our traditions without mention of Christmas;     

   5. Deliver-up for destruction all unused or undistributed copies of said generic holiday greeting;     

   6. Undertake in writing to desist from using any of our traditions in the future without prior written authority from us.  

We await to hear from you by no later than 11:59 p.m. on December 24, 2015. If you wish to use our traditions in your non-Christian celebrations during December and early January, please contact our marketing elves, who will merrily instruct you in how to properly celebrate our holiday.  

Yours faithfully,  

[signed] 

Attorney, representing the estate of St. Nicholas.