Travis County Republicans may have worked out of a spacious suite on the west side of Austin during the last election cycle, but 2022 is shaping up to be the year of a bold East Austin strategy in a much bigger space.
We're talking way bigger.
This is thanks to billionaire Elon Musk's spurious offer for the county GOP to rent the interior of the new Tesla Gigafactory as 2022 elections field office -- yep, all 3.3 square miles of it, including Cybertruck truck beds after hours if meetings or county conventions go long. All for $1 a month through the election: the cost of about a third of a breakfast taco downtown.
The Gigafactory, to be temporarily rebranded as the Travis GOP Tera-Office, will be located off Toll 130 in what may as well be Bastrop if it wasn't for the taxes and regulatory hurdles. I mean, if you hit the toll road for 20 minutes you're practically in Belton. Head a little south and you're in for some serious barbecue. But it's still technically in Travis County and the Austin metro area.
Fun fact: Tesla Road was until recently Harold Green Road. Did you know the road was originally named for a nearby dairy farmer/local tennis court builder and player? It's true. Ask any nearby cowhand.
Back to the article: Musk originally only responded with a one-word hashtag tweet following our request for an interview (#gasp). But later on via a press release that we couldn't yet verify, the world-famous innovator said this move was simply a matter of practicality for his booming tech empire.
To quote:
"This is purely for survival purposes. I moved to Austin originally thinking 'Hey, this is the Capitol of TEXAS -- they must be doing something right.' But in the meantime I can't get any work done thanks to the City of Austin's permitting processes and environmental regs. Not even the Travis County Commissioners Court is helping. One of our excavation contractors dug up a Jollyville Plateau Salamander and, let me tell you, the paperwork on that incident alone has been a nightmare.
"As of right now I have 300 employees from California who can't get a flight to ABIA to shop for their new condos. So until that changes (or the salamander dies), I have no choice but to bloody the nose of the local Democrat monopoly just a little. But not literally -- this isn't the Oscars."
Musk, the visionary founder of the Cybertruck, the Tesla electric car line, an earth-boring machine, and some pretty cool space rockets, said he's still "half Republican and half Democrat" and perhaps sometimes on the Libertarian side as far as we can tell.
"The least I can do," Musk reportedly said, "is to level the playing field a bit. Hey, if my tweets work out so well for Dogecoin investors, why not the Travis County Republican Party?"
We received no comment when we asked who Musk voted for in the 2003 California gubernatorial primary.
If local voters continue to hand-over key government offices to Democrats this May and November, Musk may consider moving the Gigafactory to an under-construction Bucc-ee's.
Temporary plans for the space include: robotic assembly line for Republican candidate sign construction, Olympic-size running track for block-walker training, 50,000 folding chairs for upcoming fundraisers, and warehousing for RNC's entire southwestern U.S. operations. TCRP is now taking applications for food truck vendors.
April Fool's! But in all seriousness, Elon, welcome to Austin. We're certain our friends with TCRP would love any support you can throw their way -- 2022 Reagan Gala keynote, perhaps?
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